


Just A Little Happier Than Coffee

by ladywongs



Category: Tokyo Ghoul, Tokyo Ghoul:re
Genre: F/M, Family, Family Drama, Family Fluff, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-22
Updated: 2017-02-22
Packaged: 2018-09-26 06:26:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9871412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladywongs/pseuds/ladywongs
Summary: But she was good, very good. He knows it, because even under the conditions in which he was forced to live as a child—the dirtiness, the danger, the hunger and the lack of a home—she always repeated the same question over and over again. "Are you happy, Ayato?"





	

**I.**

His sister is pretty.

She is. He knows it, even with her weary eyes, her tousled hair that once was healthy and her dingy and wrinkled clothes. His sister is pretty. He knows it even when her eyes find her reflection in a broken window and she dwells in her messy aspect with bitter eyes, when her nails are black and her feet ache for walking too much, desperate to find a place to spend the night.

“But the water is too cold!” Ayato complaints, wrinkling his face.

Touka moistens her hands under the open faucet inside a dark and desolate alley.

“Your face is dirty, if we don’t do something about it you will have tons of insects attacking your face tonight,” she says, her wet hand sliding through her brother’s cheeks, rubbing the skin and brushing his hair away from his face.

“I-Insects?” he stammers, terrified.

“Yup. Worms and giant roaches,” she adds, cleaning the dirt out of his face. “Besides, you must look nice when we find dad, otherwise he will be mad to see you like this.”

Ayato frowns. His sister looks dirty too.

“But your face is dirty as well.”

“I’m good,” she says, washing out her hands to continue with her job and keep rubbing her brother’s face. She looks tired and pale, but the kindness in her eyes never abandons her features. Not even a moment. “Even if I look funny, you don’t have to look like me.”

“B-But I want to be like you…”

“You can be like me, but cleaner, okay?”

**II.**

His sister is brave.

Always. He knows it, even when food is not abundant and Touka refuses to try a bite. His sister is brave because, how can a ghoul not eat anything at all, and still be able to smile because of it?

“Are you sure you don’t want too, sis?” Ayato asks, taking a seat on the floor right beside her.

“No, I want you to eat it.”

The kid frowns, extremely confused.

“But, what are _you_ going to eat?”

She sighs, sleepy eyes threatening to fall shut.

“Remember what dad said? It’s not essential for us to eat all the time. I’m still strong, but you are younger than me, so you need to eat more than I do.”

His sister is brave even when they have to sleep near a trash can and the soil is cold, when Touka lends him her coat and swears she’s just fine, that it’s actually very hot outside, that it’s better for him to stay warm during the night because he’s the little one, and Touka the strongest. Ayato can feel her frozen arms enveloping his tiny body against her chest, and although Touka can’t notice, Ayato can feel her trembling body behind him, he can hear the sound of her teeth clattering against her mouth due to the cold, and it’s almost impossible for him to sleep like that.

“Are you sure you aren’t cold?”

“I’m okay, idiot,” she affirms, sighing. “Are you cold?”

“N-No, but—“

“Then it’s fine.”

**III.**

His sister never cries.

Even when Ayato screams, irritated, and Touka frowns while trying to hold him still by his shoulders. She drags him under the shadow of a bridge, attempting to find a safe place that will hide them from curious stares, but Ayato keeps screaming, transforming his hands into fists and crying like the brat he is.

“I WANT DAD!”

“Ayato, shut up!”

“No!” Ayato shoves her to one side, and his hands rapidly fly against his eyes, clumsily wiping his own tears. “My feet hurt, I don’t want to walk anymore! I want dad! And I want to go home!”

“Stop screaming, idiot!” she screams back, trying to cover her brother’s mouth. The last thing she needs is to drag the attention of the doves. “I told you we will find him, but you have to—“

“We’ll never find him, dad is never coming back!”

Touka jumps towards him, desperate, and her fingers cling against his shoulders, trying to stop his noisy tantrum.

“Shut up!”

“Leave me alone!”

Ayato’s little hand slams against his sister’s face and she stands back with a strong gasp, covering her cheek with one hand and staring at the ground with shocked eyes. The boy holds his breath, his heart throbs furiously at the back of his chest and each one of his senses warns him that he just committed a huge, huge mistake. He tries to approach, shivering, while Touka is unable to move.

“S-Sis…”

She turns around, gasping, and runs away with her face hidden under the palm of her hand. Ayato screams her name, terrified, because this is the first time Touka runs away without him, the first time he’s alone since dad left, and he can’t stand it. He just doesn’t know how to survive without her. Ayato walks around the city during long minutes, screaming her name, trying to find a trace of his big sister. He stumbles multiple times with his own feet and panic starts to reign over his body, until he's lured by haunting sobs. Ayato stops in front of a dark alley, tense as a rock, and he can perceive the silhouette of his sister, on her back, sitting on the soil with her head buried in her knees.

She’s crying.

It’s the first time he has seen her cry like this.

Ayato bites his lower lip, holding back his own tears, and his feet move forward until he’s standing in front of her, and bends down to reach her height.

“S-Sis…”

Touka doesn’t look at him. Her sobs become stronger and louder.

“I-I w-want dad t-too…”

Ayato’s eyes fall shut, crying, and he leans his head against Touka’s arms. That's his way to apologize.

In the midst of weeping and whining, Touka holds his hand.

**IV.**

His sister is loving.

All the time. He knows it, even when she’s very tired after a long day—Touka found an abandoned car in where they could spend the night—and Ayato wants a bedtime story. Touka never forgets to tell him the important things, the things that really matter.

“But you don’t know any bedtime story, not like dad.”

She rolls her eyes, both lying in the backseat.

“Of course I do, idiot. I know a story about two rabbits.”

“Rabbits?”

“Yup, rabbits. One was white, the other was black. And they were always together, like us. They were very hungry and they ran out of carrots, so they abandoned their home to go on an adventure and find the magic land of carrots, in where they could eat as much as they wanted.”

Ayato flicks up his gaze, mesmerized.

“Did they found the magic land?”

Touka nods, giggling.

“And they ate lots of carrots forever.”

Ayato lowers his gaze, resting his cheek on Touka’s shoulder.

“Sis…”

“Mmmh?”

“I’d like to have a rabbit someday.”

Touka’s answer doesn’t come immediately, and her voice sounds lower than usual when she decides to speak.

“I’d like that too, Ayato.”

She sounds sad.

Ayato flicks up his eyes again, and there’s a singular spark within his eyes.

“It would make me very happy to have a black rabbit, like the one in the story.”

Touka looks at him, flicking both brows, and she curls a finger inside Ayato’s nose, tickling him.

He shrieks.

“More happy than coffee?”

Ayato _loves_ coffee.

“J-Just a _little_ happier than coffee, a-ah!” Ayato affirms, trying to dodge Touka’s fingers on his nose with a playful smile.

“When we find dad, I’m sure he will let us have lots of rabbits.”

Silence. All Ayato can hear in the car is silence, and Touka’s funny smile disappears immediately after understanding the meaning of her own words. Ayato turns around, resting his body against her tiny elbows, staring at her. Touka keeps her eyes glued to the car’s ceiling.

“Sis, what happens if we don’t find dad?” he asks, frowning his brows. “What are we going to do?”

It takes all of the energy in the world to not faint in that precise moment. She’s the big sister. She’s the big sister. She can’t faint, not in front of him.

“You… you don’t have to think about that. You don’t have to worry. No matter what happens, I will always take care of you.”

Ayato warns the tears slowly dancing at the corner of her eyes, however, she puts on a smile. Ayato frowns again, insecure.

“You promise we’ll always be together, like the rabbits in the story?”

With a small sigh, he feels Touka’s hand gently patting his own.

“I promise.”

**V.**

Time passes by, years disappear way too fast and memories remain with the same intensity of the past. They are painful, but Ayato doesn’t want to forget. What’s the point? Forget is for cowards. Despite all, memories keep the neurons alive, and the hearts too. Ayato takes a seat on that cold chair inside a dusty salon, one of the many rooms available in Aogiri, and there’s only silence as he stares at the cup of coffee that Hinami prepared for him minutes ago. Ayato doesn’t usually drink coffee, not anymore, it tastes too bitter now, but when he does, he likes doing it alone, when there’s no one around and the wind humming the trees is his only company.

He takes a sip and when his eyelids fall shut, he can feel her there, right beside him. And it’s as if nothing ever changed, only the taste of the coffee. Ayato remains with his eyes closed because he knows what's gonna happen if he opens them again, she will not be there anymore. It’s been a long time since she’s not there.

But she was good, very good. He knows it, because even under the conditions in which he was forced to live as a child—the dirtiness, the danger, the hunger and the lack of a home—she always repeated the same question over and over again, as if trying to convince herself of it.

“Are you happy, Ayato?”

Even like this? Even with me?

Ayato opens his eyes and looks at the smoky drink, his lips smiling softly.

“Just a _little_ happier than coffee, sis.”

**Author's Note:**

> I like to imply the idea that Ayato loved coffee in the past, but once he walked away from his sister, his love for the drink just vanished away completely, but Hinami brought back his love for it (and for his sister). I love the Kirishima siblings so much, I'm happy to write about them.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
